This is SMOKIN'

I better go ahead and get this for the kids . . .



That smoker's cough is keeping them up at night.

Now, if they could only come up with a STOP DRINKING GAME.....

H to the E -L-P

Can someone please help me out?
Will you grab your "How to raise a child" handbook??

When you get it out, find the section on "Smart-Mouthed 11 years olds".
Please tell me what it says.

What do I need to do??

The hospital forgot to send a copy of this book home with us.

:Sigh:

HookD on Phonics WORKD for MEEE!

UMM HELLO??
My baby ain't NO Einstein.
What's up with that?
HUH?

I went out and bought these dvd's to make my kid smart.
Ya see, Lil BUBBA'S momma (from down the road) talks about him being a genious and stuff.
Ya know,
Lil Bubba can do this....
Lil Bubba can do that...
Heck, I wouldn't about to let Lil Bubba outdo my kid.
We were going to SHOW them.

UH HUH

My baby was gonna be an Einstein.
HELLO?
The dvd had "EINSTEIN" on it.
AND
Einstein was like REAL SMART!!

Bought those dvds
Popped 'em in the dvd player
AND
let them do their job


Of course, I didn't expect anything after day 1 or even day 2 but BOY oh BOY was I excited for day 3.

"Alright baby, show me your SMARTS!" I said
We had ourself a little "lesson" right there in the floor.
yes.we.did.
Of course, I started off with the easy stuff.....
Ya know
Like
Pre-Algebra questions
I was gonna save the Geometry for Day 5.
BUT
We ran into a little problem.
Baby wouldn't tell me the answer.
OK
So maybe Algebra wasn't baby's subject.
We moved on to French.
I asked baby to sing Mary had a little lamb (in french, of course).
Again, NOTHING.

Now....here is when I started to worry.

Would we need to go purchase Baby Einstein for Dummies?


:Sigh:
Then I got word that Baby Einstein dvd's really didn't turn kids into geniuses.
YOU HAD ME FOOLED, BABY EINSTEIN!
BUT
What a relief...
I was thinking my kid was a dummy.

Now I have to go find some other dvd's to make my kid smart.
Suggestions?
I mean, I would teach them myself but I am like SUPER BUSY around here.
I just don't have time for things like that.

@@

^
.
.
.

(that's me rolling my eyes)

I'm curious
How many of you are going to actually get a refund on these dvds?
just-a- wonderin'

Yeah, I beat her.....you want some too?

(super mom in training)
*
*

Let me just say this . . .
I play to WIN.
My kids . . .
Well, they play to win also.
BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
This doesn't fly with momma though.
I refuse to give in.
I refuse to let them SLIDE BY.
Or rather
CHEAT!
Yep, you heard me.
I don't care if you are 4 or 54.
I am in it to win it.
HEAR ME?

And don't you dare give me that "Gomomma (aka grandma) always lets me win."
NOPE
NOT GONNA WORK
You still aren't getting any freebies.
I aint your GOMOMMA (aka grandma).

NO, you can't reroll the dice until you get a number that you like.
YES, I saw you move your game piece one more time than it should have been moved.
PUT IT BACK!
NO, you can't have another guess . . .WAIT UNTIL YOUR NEXT TURN!
NO, I didn't give you the "bad" cards. I am just lucky, I guess?

And for the love of monkeys, please don't pout when I beat ya.
(There's no crying in CONNECT FOUR.)
Suck it up and try again next time.

Now, who wants to play with me?
huh?
hello?

OH.WELL

overheard

Guess What, Kids?
Mommy is about to lose it.
Mommy is about to lose it.
When you see mommies head spinning around and around and steam coming out of my ears.
Well . . .
then you will know that mommy has lost it.
(all individuals involved shall remain anonymous)

Uh, Yeah . . .